—by Marshele Carter, CCC Member
Hummingbirds aren’t sweet; they’re vicious.
I watched them at my feeder as I ate my breakfast. Their fluttering wings and racing hearts were blurs that crisscrossed the lawn. The dogfights continued, but the red feeder remained sadly full.
Didn’t they see there were three flower-dispensers on the feeder? Why were they fussing to the death as if there were only one?
The heaven-sent illustration dive-bombed me between the eyes and I stopped mid-bite. I get it now, Lord. This is what it looks like to have everything I need and yet live my days from the fearful, territorial perspective of “not enough.”
Rewind to 10 Days Ago
EKG cords dangled from a dozen places on my body as I lay on the gurney in the emergency room. I was weary from explaining my racing heart and chest-pain symptoms to everyone on duty. I got bored counting ceiling tiles as tests concluded I was not having a heart attack. The next shift sent me home with no-skid socks and unanswered questions.
I drove home, embarrassed for having collapsed under the weight of my calendar. I felt my blood pressure rise again as I pictured my post office box stuffed with blue and white hospital bills—the price I’ll have to pay them for telling me what I already know: I’m stressed out, stretched thin and seriously in need of a better perspective.
The LORD is my Shepherd; I shall not be in want. Psalm 23:1
To be in want is to be in a state of “not enough”—not enough time, not enough strength, not enough skills, not enough money, not enough courage, not enough faith. As I read again the 23rd Psalm, the LORD showed me that this “not-enough” perspective is the root of my anxiety. He showed me that my 24/7 state of hyper vigilance is wasted time and energy; because, with Him as my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.
I can choose not to fear coming up short handed or substandard. By choosing His perspective, I won’t focus on not being enough. I won’t end the day scolding myself for not doing enough.
It’s my Shepherd’s job to make sure that I have enough, am enough, and do enough. My one responsibility everyday is to trust the LORD enough to follow Him. When I put my head on my pillow tonight, I can choose to believe that I was enough and did enough simply because I followed Him.
Done with Dogfights
It’s a bird-versus-bird world. Most of us operate from the hummingbird’s “not-enough” perspective. As a result, many of us end up in the ER and go home with unanswered questions.
I want to be finished with the “not-enough” mindset. It causes me to distrust others and dislike myself. I want to live my days, not in a desperate dogfight for the next thing, but following close to my Shepherd. He has promised that I will lack nothing I need.