"The Call"

—Karah Lorbacher, CCC member

So, I don’t get many phone calls. Okay, let me rephrase that…I don’t get many legitimate phone calls. Now, calls from telemarketers, I am wonderful at getting those. Most times if it is a number from a different state, or an 800 number, I just ignore it because I know it’s not someone I’m likely to know. My phone has a lovely feature that can let me add the number or block it immediately. So, I block it. But then, there are those times when the phone number is a (919) area code and I answer it…and I find out that I’ve “won an all expense paid vacation to some warm island somewhere.”

For me those calls aren’t very different from the calls I get from Satan. Calls from him saying:

“No one loves you.”

“You’re not worth it.”

“You know, you’re not a very good mom…”

I shouldn’t listen to him. I shouldn’t answer the call. But I do… Then I drown. I despair. I become lost. I feel hopeless.

When those calls come, it is hard for me to hang up the phone because I start to question my behaviors and me. All the times when I wasn’t the most patient mom or loving wife come to my mind and I believe. I believe everything he’s selling. I hear it and I feel it, so it must be true. The despair grows.

But then, I’m reminded of what I teach my children when they are upset. I’m reminded that in any situation Christ is my hope and my help. So I go to the Bible and look up something, anything that can help me. Flip, flip, flip. Okay here’s one, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10). But then, I hear a voice from the receiver that shows me all the ways those words are false. I walk around with that phone pressed to my ear and to my heart and I wear those thoughts around my neck. But they choke me. Didn’t I just read this in the Bible? Isn’t this God speaking? He doesn’t lie. So if he says it then it, and it alone, must be true.

So I take a leap of faith and hang up the phone. And I’m drawn to verses like this: “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6) I pause. I breathe in his truth and I breathe out the lies that I’ve believed. Even if I don’t feel it, it is the truth. God doesn’t lie (Numbers 23:19). I may be like the man in the epistle of Mark when he cries, “I believe, help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24) but that’s okay. My God, My Father, My Creator is patient, ever-patient with me and he will always answer my call.